one day there was a man who had made many mistakes.
he hated his mistakes, he hated them so.
he hated himself and everyone hated him.

he was not such a nice person.
his hatred for other people was ever-boiling.
he was very critical.
he pointed out peoples imperfections.

except to his superiors, he was always quite kind to them.

he was fed up with his life.
he wished he hadnt made some many mistakes, and that not so many people would hate him.

so one day this man made a clone of himself, and cloning is not like in movies mind you.

the clone of the man started out as an infant. and it had to grow.

the man hated his clone, and the clone grew to hate the man, but the man needed the clone.

"you are going to grow up and live your life the way i tell you, and you will not make mistakes, and everyone will enjoy your company, and you will make lots of money, and be successful". said the man to the clone.

the clone said "but i dont want to, i want to go out and become what i want to become. i wish to live my life untethered. besides, what is the use of me living... if its just another you?"

the man hated the clone.

the clone hated the man.


the man tried for years and years to convince the clone what he said was right, but he still hated him.

the clone tried for years and years to stay away from the man and grow up as he wished.

the man said one day "if you do not do as i say, then i will be forced to kick you out of my house"

the clone said "and i leave willingly"

the clone grew up, and he was not successful, and he did not make lots of money. but he was very happy. he was away from the man, people did not hate him, and he worked how he wanted, he was a writer. writing is not a very successful business. he was barely able to support himself and his family. and he had to get other jobs to make ends meet. but he was happy. he loved his family, and he wouldnt have it any other way.

the man said to the clone one day.

"see? see what has happened? you are a disgrace to me! you have no money, and you live in a rundown shack. look what you could have had if you listened to me" the man pointed to his nice house. and showed the clone how much money he had.

the clone sighed, he neednt argue with the man, he just walked away.  he went back home because he had to work. he loved his job as a writer and he loved his family.

the man cried. he was so lonely. he had all this money, and all this space. but no one liked him enough to share it with him. he wondered if he was wrong...

then he tossed the idea from his mind. he could never be wrong. and yet, there he sat...

so, so lonely.

-michael mai.

im dissapointed some people are dissapointed.

he wasnt a good teacher. we deserve better.

-michael mai.

we all knew it was going to happen. 

there is much to do. there is a lot to be afraid of. we are going to have to start from scratch.

DO NOT MOURN THIS.

there are reasons this happened. no one is at fault but him. i hate to say it. and i looked up to him just as much as you did. but he deserves this.

and we are a talented group! 

we deserve better than he could give us. 

where did his time go to? 

where was his attention at?

it WASNT on music.

he didnt love music anymore. he stopped being a musician.

all he wanted was to be friends with everyone. which is stupid. you have to be hard to be a good teacher.

you are better than this. we are better than this. we can pull through.

if you want to whine. if you want to cry about it. then you dont deserve to move on. 

someone once told me "you know, there was a time when he really did deserve that plaque above his door"    those times are over. 


now we can be better than we were before. i might not be around to see it.

but some of you will. this years freshman and sophmores...

if we work hard you will be able to see the fruits of our labor! if i can help you do this, even if i dont get to see it, i will be glad.

if i can help you in any way. i will.

 

236 3991.

 

-michael mai.

Where are you?

keep it.
dont discard it, because you need it to live...

but never let it outside for too long.
wrap it up.
bandage it when it gets hurt, make sure its ok.

but keep it in its place.
never give it away. its yours to keep.
you can let it peek out every once in a while, but make sure it stays inside.
encase it. cover its eyes. do what it takes.

talk to it. reason with it. calm it down. make it see things your way.
dont let it outside, it might get hurt.
lie to it sometimes, but only for its own good.
hurt its ego. kill its optimism.
hide it.
give it a costume. make a it clone. force it to masquerade.
conceal it. its lethal. it can burn. it can sting. it can kill.
swallow up what it says. it will set your throat aflame. but you will have to.

its clumsy. its foolish. its overzealous. it will run into dead ends. it will fall off cliffs. it will get tricked.

it wants a knife wound. it wants to play, it wants to get hurt. it wants to live. it wants to die. it wants to get burned. it wants to listen. it wants to be worth itself. but its not.

eat it alive.

i am an idiot. i am a fool.

i had my foot in the door.
i had my hopes up too high.
i got hurt.

im sorry. i was wrong. you were right.

-michael.

ok, i know i said that i was only journaling for my writing, but this needs to be said.

I am not an idiot. if i need your help, i will ask for it.

I do not have a false sense of hope, and i am not blind. i cant get hurt, because i am not sticking my foot in the door, and i am not wishing for too much.

i am a decisive person. i understand the consequences of all my actions. so stop worrying. you know who you are.

sorry.

-michael mai.

My Friend.


you talk about how you could be prettier, but its an unintentional lie.
theres only a few that come to par with your inward beauty.

your childlike attitude towards life makes every day interesting, and turns 100 degree days for the better. but you dont forget that being a child all the time is not so great.

you have been treated terribly your entire life, you deserve so, so much more, and if i could give you some of what i have, i would.

you are way more awesome-o than you think. i can only see your heart when i look at you.
you help me with all my little problems. cause i over analyze and make them look stupidly huge.

you are one of the few people i know that understand what music really is, and that there is more to it than band.

you may think you are alone, but i will always be there for you, no matter what.

you always laugh at my idiotic sense of humor, and it makes me feel good cause i know you go out of your way to do it.

i love you like a sister.

mary christine defillipo.

if you ever feel lonely, know you are loved by at least one person.


-michael mai.

if i were stranded on an island...

I'd bring 5 people, and one GUN.

That way, i could salvage all of the food that the other people gather, storing it in a hidden place, so they would all turn on each other, all the while i'd be playing the middle man, creating unwanted relationships, and making sure that malicious ties were present between them.

Pretty soon our natural resources would wear thin, we would have to kill the native pork. The jewish man i would bring would starve and die, creating a looming atmosphere of death and DECEPTION.

Slowly, as the porks went extinct, I would employ the gun, setting people up to look as if they had gone crazy, and taken their own life. I (playing the good guy from all points of view.) would offer to bury the newly acquired dead. But, in the middle of the night, i would rise from my rest, and carefully make my way over to the graves. There i would unbury the recently buried dead, and obtain my much needed nutrients from their rotting flesh.

Slowly but surely, each man would be picked off in my twisted plot of survival, except for the one guy that was on to me the entire time. But what he didnt know was that all the while we were on the island, i'd been building a raft out of buffalo hide and whale bones. One day when he went to the graves (because he suspected my cannabalism) i would take flight! Leaving the island behind forever! As soon as he discovered my secret, he ran to the beach in a thirsty blood rage! Only to find me and my raft shrinking smaller and smaller into the horizon!

I would make it to Ellis island, posing as an Irish immagrant, pleading that i couldnt find my papers. But when the guards go to sleep, i would BELT IT for the shore! There i would start a new life repairing shoes and walking dogs. After i had raised the money, i would buy a boat and return to the island to rescue the last man there. But when i would arrive, i would find nothing! He was gone! I would return home empty-handed and trouble-minded. Only to realize, that i had recently seen a picture of someone like him in the local newspaper. I would recall the article read "Local Immagrant Wins New York Marathon". I had a lead.

I formed my devious plan overnight. At the next marathon, as my old friend crossed the finish line, he would be not only rewarded with a trophy and the respect of the city, but with a knife in his throat as he entered his apartment to rest.

That is what i could not live without.

Current Mood: satisfied

Hello, my name is michael mai and i am an aspiring writer. i am just getting going on live journal so bear with me, as i will have some stories up soon. short ones, long ones, some funny ones, some stories that will make you question my sanity.... all kinds i write. give me feedback, its what i need/want to continue my career.

-michael mai.

Current Mood: calm